In a brilliant stroke of political image management beginning several years ago, presidential candidate Newt Gingrich started inoculating himself from criticism of his infidelity issues by being seen virtually everywhere with his artificial wife-unit ‘Callista’.

Making sure to include her in every event and mention her name almost constantly, Gingrich has positioned himself as a reformed man–one who has established a solid, unwavering relationship with his current wife-unit.

But Gingrich’s choice for his latest marriage has not answered all questions about his judgment. Some suggest that Newt’s Callista-quin model is a tad too plastic for the purposes of a First Lady wife-unit. But Gingrich stands by his decision to go with the platinum-edition Callista-quin.

‘I talked it over with Donald Trump–who after all has a lot of experience working with artificial companions–and his advice was to go first class all the way,’ says the candidate. ‘And I think you have to admit that it–I mean she–is something that would return real style and taste to the White House after four years of a very blah First Lady…note that I did not say black; I said blah–I don’t want to be misquoted the way Rick Santorum was.’

Bristling at continued questioning about leaving his second wife for a synthetic mistress, Gingrich said, ‘I’ve been planning this run for the presidency for years, and I just happen to believe that not only do I deserve the very best, but America deserves a First Lady that is a real show piece! Now, the elite media may question my patriotic motives for choosing the Callista-Platinum, but I frankly think the American people are disgusted with this nauseating liberal establishment tactic.’

Related articles

• Newt Gingrich’s Second Wife: Newt Wanted an Open Marriage With Me and His Mistress Callista (shoppingblog.com)
• Ariel Levy: Callista Gingrich, Newt’s third wife. (newyorker.com)
• Callista’s first press gaggle (politico.com)